4/26/2017 part 1

Two more days till my see my baby. After two whole weeks without him. Sometimes it’s hard to get through a day because the pain is so difficult. But I move forward with all the pain and make the best of the time I have. 

My story, as I have said, goes back five years ago….I want to tell MY story, open up my life to all the woman out there suffering with this and to show people how strong we can be! 

 I am going to start this at the beginning. There is a lot to this story and I must preface it with what I have been through in my life.  This story is extremely long so I will be posting in parts. 

 I have had “behavior” issues since I was a young child. I am 33 now just for information’s sake. I was an angry child I guess you could say. I used to throw many fits, hit my parents, etc. I got sent away to a nature camp called ascent when I was 13. I came home and we moved to Omaha, NE because my dad quit his job and my dad’s family is from Iowa. Once we moved here, I was still out of control. I threatened to kill myself at 15 and my parents had the police come get me and take me to impatient treatment. I then went to a girls group home. After my 16th birthday, I got to come home. About 9 months later, my mom said she wanted me to go visit my Aunt in Idaho. When I went there, I was visited at the airport by two people who took me to Ascent yet again. I then was not able to come home. I went to an emotional growth school called CEDU. I got in trouble a few times there but overall did “okay”. Not great but okay. I was about to turn 18, graduated the high school portion and I did not want to stay to graduate the program. I told my parents that if they did not bring me home, I was going to just leave. (I was a very good manipulator), They did end up bringing me home, but I did not do well once home. I drank all the time, snuck out, etc. (Mind you I am leaving out tons, but this is just leading up to the actual story). My parents gave me an ultimatum to either go into the military or move out. I chose the Military. I did very well while in the Military. I believe it was the structure that caused me to do so well. While I was in, I got pregnant from a man that I was with for 2 ½ years. We broke up. I was reckless and ended up marrying a man I hardly knew. I asked to get out of the military resulting in an other than honorable discharge and I moved to Virginia with my new husband. We were together for about 2 years. He left for a deployment after about a year and a half and I moved back home during that time. He wrote me a dear John letter and told me he was leaving. I decided I needed to be in Virginia when he got back to try and save our marriage as it was so important to me. When I did this, I left my son with my parents ( I’ll get to the reason this is important later). I soon realized we were not meant to be together, I brought out the worst in him and he did with me as well. We mutually divorced and later ended up moving back home and we are still friends to this day. Anyways, while I was in Virginia, I met my most recent husband. We will call him Steve for the sake of saving names (that name has no ties to my life just to be clear, but I did not get his permission to use his name so I am going to omit it).  He and I were very happy. We moved back to Omaha as soon as we could so we could be with my son. He gave up everything for me. I ended up getting pregnant (we were trying so this was not an accident) and he later proposed. I had decided at one point to call off the engagement because I didn’t feel right about the whole thing. Little things he did made me mad and we would fight etc. After one night of him going out, I had very extreme jealousy about it and decided to work it out when realizing how unhappy I would be without him. I had my son in April 2009. We were happy for a while. Together for a total of 7 years. We fought on and off like any couple, but at the end it got really bad. Here is where the real story starts (at first this is going to seem like the typical domestic abuse story, but that is just part of this whole fiasco)…:

 When we fought, we fought. One time, we were fighting and I cant even remember what it was about, but I ended up going into my sons room because he was crying. I threw a picture into the hallway because I was so upset. He happened to be walking down the hall and it almost hit him. I did not see him at all as the wall was there so there is no way I could have seen him walking down the hall and when I walked away he was in the living room. He got so upset that he threw me on the floor, shoving my face towards the glass and was yelling at me to pick it up. I ended up taking my son across the street to my neighbors house and calling my mother. I picked up my older son at school and we headed to my moms. Not much later, I end up going back. My parents convinced me I was wrong and didn’t believe me about what he did.  

 In October of 2011, I asked for a divorce. We were fighting all the time, he wouldn’t go to counseling with me etc. He would not listen and begged for me not to file for divorce. I ended up having a relationship with someone I worked with. I was VERY open about this relationship to him and at this point.  Before I ever started anything with this man, had asked for a divorce about 6 times. I left my phone unlocked, left emails up on my computer, talked to this person in front of him, just to get him to realize it was over. (Why I didn’t move out at the time, I really don’t know, part of the reason I think my pride, and the other money). He, to this day tells everyone I “cheated on him”, even though he was fully aware of what was going on, and I had asked for a divorce several times. He finally ended up getting it, and we filed for divorce. We were very civil about it, even went to lunch on the day of our divorce in March of 2012. I gave him full custody at the time and this was purely selfish and something I will regret for the rest of my life as I would have no idea how this would hurt me later. I just needed me time and I was spending a lot of time with the guy I was with (who had a girlfriend by the way), and that was the reason that I did that. I regret that with every piece of myself now. Though, we never followed that agreement. We we together all the time after our divorce, went to the zoo as a family, traded off the kids about 50/50, helped each other out etc. We started dating again about August of 2012, that same year. Everything was fine until about Jan 2013. He would have his phone locked, not answer me, etc. I didn’t really read too much into it yet. I moved back in around March 2013. We started seeing a counselor (even though he said it was for me, not him but whatever to get him to go, aand even the counselor suggested that he unlock his phone because not doing so is suspicious. I would check every so often after he went to bed and it would still be locked. I had stopped asking questions, and tried my hardest not to seem suspicious. He had always said that when I stop being so jealous, he would unlock it. I decided to forget this and try and move on. We decided to get remarried on July 18th 2013. We were happy, very happy, for just a split second. Here is where the real story begins….

I will be posting in separate posts. One because it is SUCH A LONG STORY and two because it’s ongoing. Still has not ended. Once I get the entire story out I will post updates to currently what is going on. 

Stay strong my friends. I’m with you 100% and if we unite together, we can change this. 

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